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My life as I believe it will never remain the same

My life as I believe it will never remain the same

Having read 'Drink' by Ann Dowsett Johnston, I Have Realised So Many Things. I am 47 years of age. I am attempting to put on my standard energetic, cheerful face for the world however inside I am an entire disorder.

Drink' helped me face my drinking habits which has been an issue for a long time. It made me feel uninsulated which was really soothing. Several problems in my life caused my misuse of alcohol and the usual reasons such as hereditary factors, and indiscipline does not feature. Growing up was difficult - my father was a serial cheater, my mother had no self pride and overweight, unpopular me was left to feed for myself on most occasions. Emotionally, I was totally independent.


It was really odd that I never drank when I was in high school And Luckily at that time I can attend a prestigious school that proud on its student's academic records'but the students there turned out really like having a party, they were party animals. At that moment my journey of experiencing a free youth's world began, I often behave inappropriately - I tend to got hangovers because too much drinking last night, I tend passed out, and occasionally having inappropriate sexual activities.


I came to understand that the only way for a corpulent young woman to have a sexual relation was to be intoxicated the same way as the boys.


On one particular occasion, I found myself in bed with a random guy naked, and this happened when I was in Canada; Many times I ponder over this incident thinking how astonishing it is that I never got pregnant, injured or infected with any sexually transmitted diseases or worse still dead.


With time, I earned a degree and even went further while my love life wasn't left behind. We saw each other often and during such occasions wine was always present while I also got myself a bottle every week.

Time flew, and so did my life; I got married, had two kids and during the months preceding their birth I avoided alcohol. Be that as it may, then as life continued, maturing guardians, ADHD kid, worried, compulsive worker spouse with outrage issues.....wine on ends of the week got to be wine Thursday-Sunday.


My husband got addicted to a local "brew-your-own" so we had cases and cases of alcohol...and shortly a nocturnal habit to crack one or two... Privately, I started mixing my own alcoholic beverages and hiding the glass in my baking cupboard.

When I return home - and face the family mess, getting dinner, attempting to get ADHD kid to concentrate on homework while prying the other erratic of his iPod.....I can just consider blending that drink....which I continue refilling until in the long run I nod off or go out. In the mornings, what I do first is to go through my I-phone to find out whom I may have accidentally texted while being intoxicated.


But there is more - two years ago I became entangled in a very fierce emotional affair with one of my son's ally's father. The relationship never got intimate (besides a few hugs and staying very close at sporting venues) but if some of you have read about (or witnessed) an emotional affair, the effect can be just as dramatic and fierce, if not more so then a physical love affair. I was on seventh heaven - all the time my phone showed a message'.oh the rush of feelings. Usually we exchanged texts late into night, at times in the middle of the night, while we were at duty.


I was more jovial than I had ever been. The relationship was getting dangerously near intersection the sexual line and he pulled back. I have been crushed and lamenting this loss....and the drinking expanded.

My mixed drinks alleviated me they helped the agony.

I am so embarrassed as view back over my life. Below are some of the incidence caused by my alcohol use include:

  • Being Completely hammered last Christmas at a cocktail party
  • Intoxicated at my sister's 50th birthday
  • Fulminating messages on my iPhone
  • Screaming fits in the presence of my kids
  • Punching my better half in the face
  • An absolute screeching clash one night when my son had a friend spending the night as a guest

I am in counselling which has been an illuminating realisation.....plus reading Ann's book and now finding out this website and reading related stories. I feel that I finally got straight, ready to come home.